This Area Is Still Open For Debate

Monday, 9 November 2009

How To Increase The Stress Levels Of You And The People Around You (Part 4)

Nothing Annoys Like Nothing: Create a blog. Every week, leave one post inexplicably blank for no reason except to perplex and short-change readers.
Except Something: Create a blog. Blog only about things that make you really stressed. Invite all your friends to read your blog.
Childish Mentality. Get in touch with the child within yourself. Not the one who's open to learning and sees the world with eyes filled with wonder, but the one who constantly sulks, whines and demands undivided attention. Introduce this child to the people around you.
The Three P's: Patronise. Patronise. Patronise.
Shoppers' Code: When shopping for groceries, deface all the bar-codes on your items so the cashier has to enter them in by hand.
Anathema: Go to the library and sit in the quiet reading section. Read 'Twilight' out loud in a melodramatic fashion.
The Joy Of Small Print. Small print annoys everybody. The people who read it, the people who don't read it, even the people who write it. It's great stuff.
Garden Of Eden: Gardening is relaxing. Never garden.
Life's Like A Toilet Roll: Whenever you use a public toilet, use up the entire roll of toilet paper leaving only a small strip behind. Write 'sucker' on this strip.
Exercise Your Lungs: Shout at people at least three times a day. Try to get them to shout back.
The International Bank Of Depression: Stockpile things that make you really depressed. Recall them, relive them, reflect on them. Fit this routine into your daily schedule.
The Present Tense: Tense up all your muscles. Try to stay this way the whole day. If you can't, then you've failed again at another really simple task.
Can Do: Hide your can opener. When you visit your friends, hide theirs.
Advisability: Take every opportunity to give advice to other people. Especially on subjects you have very little to no knowledge on.
Best Stressed: Always criticise the way other people dress.
Don't Worry Only About Big Things: Small things need to be worried about too. If you have no big things to worry about, worry about two small things instead. You will achieve the same effect.
Saved: When you're working on a project using your computer, never save your work as you go along. This way if you accidentally delete your project, your entire day's work will have been for nothing.
The End Of Friendship: Come to terms with the fact that a friend is merely an enemy you haven't upset yet.
The Mathematical Way: Experts suggest that happiness is calculated by dividing reality by expectations. Therefore, always achieve the bare minimum while constantly raising your expectations.
Frowns Never Let You Down: A frown communicates both disapproval of others as well as unhappiness within yourself.
A Suggested Career Path After O's: Get a job at a local bank. Work hard and rise to a high position. Then implement a policy that closes all but one of the tellers' booths at the busiest times.

JZ crossed the icy street at 13:45

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Sunday, 8 November 2009

JZ crossed the icy street at 12:58

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Saturday, 7 November 2009

How To Increase The Stress Levels Of You And The People Around You (Part 3)

The Truth: Take note of the fact that true happiness is proportional to the number of material possessions you own. Act accordingly.
Routines: They're good. Create them and stick to them dutifully. Refuse to change them for any reason, no matter how reasonable.
Even In The Smallest Spaces: Fart in confined spaces. But only do so if other people are present.
HFZ: Create a Humour-Free Zone. When you find yourself laughing about something, go there and pull yourself together.
Exceptions: The only permissible time to laugh is when you encounter the misfortune of other people. But you can only laugh in their presence.
Experience The Sunrise: Sunrise is a deeply spiritual and uplifting event to witness. However, if you stay up all night waiting for it you'll be so tired you'll see it for the disappointing everyday event that it really is.
Cultivate PSSD: Post-shopping stress disorder is easily cultivated. For example, when you're done with a major shopping spree, call all the stores to find out you could have bought your purchases considerably cheaper elsewhere.
Don't Stop: If you're not progressing with a task you're finding increasingly frustrating to do, don't stop. On no account walk away from it. Recent research has shown that the more stressed you are, the more likely you'll finish the task.
Time Isn't Money: When you are using an ATM, try out every transaction possible. But only if there are people waiting in line behind you.
The Importance Of Being Important: Make it clear to your inferiors and superiors that you're important. And that you're serious about it.
Lost Love: Make a list of all the people who've ever dumped you. Contact them once a year and try to restart the relationship.
Get Lost, Love: Make a list of all the people you've ever dumped. Contact them once a year and try to restart the relationship.
Future Tense: You know the saying "Don't worry, it may never happen"? Well, it's a lie. It's bound to happen. And knowing your luck, it'll happen more than once.
Be Rude: Practice rudeness. Not only does it make other people feel bad, it also makes you feel bad about yourself. It's a win-win situation.
Even While Asleep You Can Generate Stress: Learn how to snore.
DIY: Research shows that the best time for drilling holes in walls is early on a Sunday morning.
Grate Expectations: Constantly raise the hopes of the people around you that you're going to do much better. Then take every opportunity to dash those hopes.
Know Limits: Recognise your limitations. Then ignore them.
It's Better That They Know: Recognise other peoples' limitations. Then tell them what they are.

JZ crossed the icy street at 08:19

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Friday, 6 November 2009

How To Increase The Stress Levels Of You And The People Around You (Part Two)

Lost In Mistranslation: When abroad, remember that foreigners can understand English if you speak slowly and loudly.
Be Touchy: Isolate yourself from human contact. Shout at anyone who tries to invade your personal space.
Touchy Exceptions: The only time when you should touch someone if they have made it clear that they are uncomfortable with physical contact.
Man's Best Friend: Research has shown that people with pets are generally happier. Never get a pet. Also, try to encourage your neighbours' and friends' pets to run away.
Theory Of Relativity: If Einstein was correct and everything is relative, then it is always your relatives' fault. Blame your parents for your failures whenever you can.
Count Your Blessings: Why? You haven't got any. Count your problems instead.
Small Talk: Remember that talking behind somebody's back has absolutely no point unless that person gets to hear what you are saying.
Hotel Experience: When staying in a hotel, take every opportunity to press all the lift buttons whenever you can.
Effective Communication: If you are very stressed, make sure you communicate this to everybody around you. Soon they'll be just as stressed too.
How To Win At Losing: Buy small, expensive things that are easy to lose.
How To Lose At Winning: Buy large, expensive things and then find ways to lose them.
Mobile Phones: Enough said.
Life's Unfair: Remember how sometimes during situations you would say, "That's not fair!" and people would respond, "Life's always unfair." Why change things now?
Useful Phrase: 'Why did you do that?'
When Life Gives You Lemons: Suck them. Twice a day. Every day.
If At First You Don't Succeed: It's someone else's fault. Find him, blame him, make him pay.
Reading Material: Apply for every job you're unsuitable for. Collate all your rejection letters so that you can read them whenever you start to feel good about yourself.
The Best Policy: Be honest. About everything. With everyone. All the time.
The Better Policy: Lie. About everything. To everyone. All the time.
More Haste: A good technique to remember when working in a group is to nag and rush members into doing their tasks faster than they want to. This works best if you're not doing much yourself.
Centralising: Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Breathe Deep: The faster you breathe, the more air you get. It's a way of annoying those around you because you're breathing air that's rightfully theirs. And they can't do anything about it.
The G Word: Ask people what gender they are.
Know Your Place 1: Always remember that, in fact, you're just a small, unimportant cog in a massive machine you have no control over.
Know Your Place 2: Always remember that, in fact, you're the very center of the universe which the Sun, Earth and everything else should revolve around.

JZ crossed the icy street at 10:31

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Thursday, 5 November 2009

There's something oddly enjoyable about creating haikus; delightful little things really. To fashion a haiku one does not need to employ polysyllabic nor bombastic words, because little poetic skill is required. Heck, even a six-year-old could do it with ease. Furthermore, they are really versatile - they can be about anything under the Sun ranging from the most insipid things to the level of philosophic thinking (although this may be true for most other literature). That's probably what makes them slightly more appealing than palindromes and limericks; they're simple yet effective.

JZ crossed the icy street at 12:15

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Saturday, 31 October 2009

I was actually planning to do a rant on the Twilight series, but apparently someone already beat me to it (doing a rather fine job, I may add). Bram Stoker can now rest in peace because everything terrible about it, ranging from glittery vampires and inappropriate vocabulary, is completely summed up at this website. I don't really feel there's a need to pontificate on the awfulness of Twilight; most people I know who read my blog hate the series anyway.
http://www.squidoo.com/twilight-sucks
P.S. When I finally realised what Bella Swan's initials were, I couldn't stop laughing at the irony.

JZ crossed the icy street at 13:32

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Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Here is a list of things I want to do after 'O'-Levels:

Burn my entry proof
Go to Sakae Sushi and eat as much sushi as I can
Complete Final Fantasy XII and Final Fantasy X
Replay Final Fantasy VIII
Get House M.D. and C.S.I. on DVD and watch them continuously until I pass out
Play three hours of Defense of The Ancients every day
Stream and watch episodes of South Park and Family Guy
Go out and get a gaming laptop
Read one book a day
Criticise and put down one book a day
Get a Nintendo Wii
Complete the rest of the papers I haven't done
Finish writing about New Zealand

JZ crossed the icy street at 20:53

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Saturday, 17 October 2009

I just changed my blogskin because apparently, the old one malfunctioned due to the image 'expiring' on Photobucket. I didn't even know images could 'expire'.
I also never knew how difficult it is to scout for a new blogskin since I can't make one myself. Do you know how hard it is to find one without excessive music, colour, writing or people on the front page?
On a side note, I realised that Blogskin.com measures years in decimal places (e.g. 4.2 years). I'm not sure if it is deliberate creativity or ignorance.

JZ crossed the icy street at 22:44

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