Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from children.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
When the well is dry, we know the worth of water.
A succesful man makes more money than his woman can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.
If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.
Surely it's no coincidence that the word "listen" is an anagram of the word "silent".
May every day of your life together be worse than the next.
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The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
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To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
Why do today what you can put off 'till tomorrow? But what is today but yesterday's tomorrow?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Algebra was easy for the Romans because "X" was always 10.
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong. (Sinhala vs Tamil? or Protestants vs Catholics?)
"Am I indecisive?" Can I get back to you on that?
7 out of 5 people do not understand fractions.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Everybody has a photographic memory. . . . Some don't have film.
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Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."
HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
HIM: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."
HER: "Well, the air bag works."
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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.