How To Increase The Stress Levels Of You And The People Around You
The Remote Control Strategem: Find out when your friends' favourite television program is on. Then call them two minutes after it starts.
Quicker By Tube: Squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle. Never replace the cap.
Friends: Choose friends you don't like.
Fan The Flames: Always join in with other peoples' arguments. Try to get more people to join in too.
Because They Can't Close Their Ears: Cultivate an annoying voice.
The Milk Of Human Unkindness: Put empty milk containers back into the fridge.
Bitter Dreams: If you are sleeping in the same room with one or more people, record the sound of a dentist's drill and play it at bedtime.
Late Again: If you're enjoying a physical relationship with a new man, wait a few weeks and then tell him you've missed your period. This information is best left on an answering machine.
Short Change: Never have the right change for anything. In fact, the bigger the note, the better.
Roll With The Punches: If your friend is telling you a joke, wait until he's about to deliver the punch line and then tell him you've heard it before. It is better if the joke is a long one.
In A Way You're Saving Them Time: Station yourself near the entrance to a movie theatre when there are people waiting to go in and discuss the ending of the movie in a loud voice with your friend.
Call Switch: Phone one of your friends. Hang up the moment they answer. Repeat a second time, alternating friends.
Nurturing Is Good: Nurture your grievances. If you don't, they'll die and whoever did you wrong is going to get away with it.
Carpe Diem: From the Latin words 'Carpe' - meaning to whine, and 'diem' - daily, hence 'Whine Daily'.
Diet Hard: Eat less fresh food. Eat more with artificial preservatives. Preservatives are called preservatives because they help you live longer.
Spam In A Can: Spend your free time writing spam letters and comments.
There Is Use Crying: Buy milk that come in cartons that require you to exert a large amount of force to open.
Even Hours: Work late, get up early. It will make you feel tired, irritable and exploited.
Low Bars: Often it is very hard to live up to standards that we set for ourselves, but sometimes we do. To ensure this never happens, make sure you keep raising standards you set for yourself.
Free Credits: Take credit for successes that have nothing to do with you.
Keeping To The Schedule: Make schedules whenever you can. Ensure that you put in an unrealistic number of tasks and then agonize about how you're constantly falling behind. It is best that you set alarms to go off whenever your time for each task ends.