How To Increase The Stress Levels Of You And The People Around You (Part 3)
The Truth: Take note of the fact that true happiness is proportional to the number of material possessions you own. Act accordingly.
Routines: They're good. Create them and stick to them dutifully. Refuse to change them for any reason, no matter how reasonable.
Even In The Smallest Spaces: Fart in confined spaces. But only do so if other people are present.
HFZ: Create a Humour-Free Zone. When you find yourself laughing about something, go there and pull yourself together.
Exceptions: The only permissible time to laugh is when you encounter the misfortune of other people. But you can only laugh in their presence.
Experience The Sunrise: Sunrise is a deeply spiritual and uplifting event to witness. However, if you stay up all night waiting for it you'll be so tired you'll see it for the disappointing everyday event that it really is.
Cultivate PSS: Post-shopping stress is easily cultivated. For example, when you're done with a major shopping spree, call all the stores to find out you could have bought your purchases considerably cheaper elsewhere.
Don't Stop: If you're not progressing with a task you're finding increasingly frustrating to do, don't stop. On no account walk away from it. Recent research has shown that the more stressed you are, the more likely you'll finish the task.
Time Isn't Money: When you are using an ATM, try out every transaction possible. But only if there are people waiting in line behind you.
The Importance Of Being Important: Make it clear to your inferiors and superiors that you're important. And that you're serious about it.
Lost Love: Make a list of all the people who've ever dumped you. Contact them once a year and try to restart the relationship.
Get Lost, Love: Make a list of all the people you've ever dumped. Contact them once a year and try to restart the relationship.
Future Tense: You know the saying "Don't worry, it may never happen"? Well, it's a lie. It's bound to happen. And knowing your luck, it'll happen more than once.
Be Rude: Practice rudeness. Not only does it make other people feel bad, it also makes you feel bad about yourself. It's a win-win situation.
Even While Asleep You Can Generate Stress: Learn how to snore.
DIY: Research shows that the best time for drilling holes in walls is early on a Sunday morning.
Grate Expectations: Constantly raise the hopes of the people around you that you're going to do much better. Then take every opportunity to dash those hopes.
Know Limits: Recognise your limitations. Then ignore them.
It's Better That They Know: Recognise other peoples' limitations. Then tell them what they are.